Hiding my love
by GreyWaves
Summary: Roxanne has just been dumped. If that weren't enough, her family forgot to tell her they were moving into a Muggle neighbourhood. Angry and hurt, she meets a girl, Lily Paytan. Amidst confusing thoughts of her sexuality, she has to contend with family drama and the constant pursuit of the girl with whom she is slowly falling in love.


A/N: If you do not like girl/girl pairings, I suggest you find another story.

This is an experiment for me. I recently came out as bisexual and thus, I thought I'd write a story about a character with the same sexuality as me. I thought of Roxanne, because who writes stories about a character never explored before? I hope you enjoy this. Do not be deterred by the short prologue. Updates will probably be speradic, because I'm going on holiday in a few days.

Grey

Will Davies was everything a girl always wanted.

With the good looks of his father and grace of his mother, he was something to be admired - from a distance, of course.

Unless you were Roxanne Weasley. Then, you could admire him up close, all to yourself. She sometimes felt sick with anger if a girl giggled at him, or touched his arm - or even fluttered her eyelashes. It just made them look like maggots.

The corridors were abuzz with the frantic energy of students as they rushed, in a panic, to try and pack their belongings in the shortest time possible.

The blue sky outside Hogwarts reflected Roxanne's mood as she absently trailed her hand across the stone walls of the hallway, staring out of the window occasionally. Little flecks of cloud marred the idyllic surface of the sky up above, but her eyes swept over them as she hummed to herself. Roxanne let out a breath of air, which could not be heard over the babble and clammer of her fellow peers.

The light from the window to her left lit up Roxanne's features as she passed. Her hair was not ginger - not black either - but a light brown to match her skin tone. Her eyes were as blue as her father's, her stature reasonably small. Her features slipped back into shadow as the window's light reached out to another person.

The yells of students' voices swelled and ebbed in her ears, bringing a small smile to her face. Her cousins were most likely searching frantically for lost items - James and Fred especially had the habit of losing their underwear at the last minute. Lily would be with Rose, and Rose would be hitting Lorcan over the head with Hogwarts, a History while Lily laughed. Roxanne couldn't quite think of who would be better for the shy boy. She liked to watch things, and it was obvious that Lily and Rose both had feelings for him.

Roxanne snorted, laughing a little at the thought of James raiding Lysander's drawers with furious abandonment. It was a well known fact that Sander had quite the infatuation with James. Well known to her, at least; she was slightly shocked to find out that everyone thought it was a joke.

"Sickle for your thoughts?"

Roxanne jumped as she stopped walking with a jolt, foot stamping down on the hard, stone floor. The voice was so familiar to her, and the touch on her shoulder, but still she found her breaths quickening. Despite Uncle Bill's and Uncle Harry's training for her awareness, she still got shocked at the slightest thing. This might have been due to the boy behind her.

She pivetted, back to the wall as he turned to face her.

"Will!" With voice barely above a squeak, the girl turned to face the boy with whom she thought she was in love.

"Hey, Roxy." The smile on his face didn't show in his flat voice, and Roxy peered up at him with curious eyes. Slowly, Will blinked, a hand coming to rest on her shoulder again. Her happy mood started to dwindle.

"Something... Wrong?" Unlike Will, her smile reflected plainly in her voice, but the slight downward twitch of his lips made hers falter.

"Um..." Roxanne hadn't noticed that the corridor had gone silent around her but, as she glanced left and right, she saw no one there to defuse this awkwardness.

"Um," he said again, shuffling his feet.

A thousand situations rushed through her head, with the force of a whirlwind battering at her skull.

"What?" Her tone was crisp, cold but with an underlay of fire to it; the perfect combination of her mother's ruthless anger and the sparking Weasley temper. His eyes dropped to hers and Roxanne held his gaze - her mind flashing back to so many times when that gaze held what she viewed as love.

But this time, Will didn't lean in to kiss her. Instead, he leaned away, back onto his heels with a sigh. Roxy stood up straighter, as if she was being pulled up to the ceiling.

"I - IneedtobreakupwithyoubecauseIDon'tloveyouanymore." The words came in a rush, slipping between Roxanne's fingers, and she attempted to grasp at them to try and make him take them back.

"What...?" She must have misheard. She MUST have.

Will took a deep breath, eyes closing, and steeled himself for the inevitable slap.

"I need to break up with you, because I don't love you anymore." Unwillingly, Roxanne acknowledged that Will's voice barely shook, though his hands curled into fists by his side.

Then, the words he spoke hit home. Crash. Bile started to rise in her throat but she choked it back. She was overreacting, she knew; this was not normal teenaged behaviour. If she were to display normal teenaged behaviour, she'd be crying and calling him a bastard.

Shocked into silence, Roxanne's mind was on a loop. They had been going out for six months - before the Christmas holidays, he had asked her out in the sweetest way possible, and she couldn't refuse.

SHE apreciated him for who he was, not his looks, and she had thought that this relationship might last.

Her mind flicked back to when she was under the mistletoe with him. She'd been a girl in love, and so happy it felt unreal. She knew why, now.

The expected slap never came. Her hand tingled (she could just imagine the red handprint on his cheek) but she never drew back; she never swung her hand forward; she never made an impact.

A sardonic voice sneered inside her head, 'you never made an impact on his life, either.'

Terrified at her silence, Will opened his mouth. His babbling words rushed from his lips, rather like an out-of-control river.

"I started to go off you a month ago, but I didn't want to say anything because you were so happy, and I had to do it on the last day in person because if you went into fifth year with false hope I couldn't live with it, and I didn't want to hurt you even more-"

Roxanne halted the torent in its tracks. She could feel the tears behind her eyes, just waiting to burn down her face when she'd found a refuge by herself.

"I don't care, Will. If you want to dump me like a piece of shit, you've succeeded. You're a nice person, but not a nice boyfriend."

As Roxanne's eyes slid down to his Ravenclaw crest so as not to get locked in his gaze, she heard an inhale as Will sucked in a breath.

"I'm sorry, Roxy-"

"Just piss off. Please. Go find another girl; I bet there's plenty of flesh on the market so you can have your pick."

Her eyes were on fire, her voice was starting to thin. Without another word, she slipped to the left, turning down the corridor and practically running. She'd never been fast. Feet tapped out a rhythm behind her, a hand was trying to grab her.

"Wait! Roxanne - wait - I can explain-"

Speeding up, she turned left, right, left, left again, and she was submerged in a crowd of overexcited Gryffindors who appeared to be injected by last day of term fever. She blended in, the emblem of her house emblazoned on her clothing, but at that moment, she felt incredibly far away.

It had all gone so quicky, and she felt rather faint. A day ago, she was telling Lucy all about Will's great personality. Now, all she wanted to do was to find Dominique or Victoire, and cry her eyes out.

As the packing frenzy came to a close and students filed out of the doors to board the train, no one noticed Roxanne with her head lowered, walking behind her family. A mishmash of different coloured hair and robes (though they were mostly red) assaulted people's eyes as they hurried past, and they looked upon the Weasley-Potter-Scamander brewd with awe.

She listened to their conversations, pretending to take things in when in actuality, she was just looking at their feet so she didn't trip.

"You're moving to a Muggle neighbourhood?" James' voice was shocked - even if he tried to hide it - and Fred smiled, elbowing him in the side.

"Don't worry, it's not that far from you and Uncle Harry, so I can still fly up to the roof and meet you and Louis there."

Lily rolled her eyes, glancing back. Her eyes flicked over Roxanne to land on Molly, Lucy's younger sister and Lorcan, who were walking side by side.

"Hey Lorc!" she yelled. This penetrated Roxy's hazed mind and she looked up, sluggishly. As she got her barings, she felt the world tilt, and had to flail her arms to keep herself steady.

"Tell Auntie Luna that mum says hi!"

The conversation between her cousin and family friend carried on in this vein as they all climbed into a carriage.

As the train started to move, Roxanne busied herself with stowing her luggage. The cramped quarters of the compartment made her feel safe amongst her family.

Then, she flinched. Six months ago, Will had come knocking on the door of this very same carriage, but she knew he wouldn't be doing that again.

Scenery whizzed by in a blur of colour, and the arguments of Fred and James with the occasional interjection from Lysander faded from her awareness.

"...And I mean SERIOUSLY, Davies was actually LAUGHING! ... Yeah, yeah, he said he'd broken up with Roxy a week ago, but she said nothing about it. Brave, right? Oh my god, she must feel so awful."

Roxanne wished that she was not right by the door, and that the girls outside would shut up. She didn't want to hear this.

"...But he's not horrible! That's the thing, he's so sweet, but he just doesn't understand-"

She couldn't agree more.


End file.
